Today's a Great Day!!!

First let me say HAPPY HALLOWEENY!!!

*Today's the day that for the freaks to come out and Play.. I love this day! hehe Just don't end up like these pumpkins! =)

Then let me say CONGRATULATIONS! to Brenda, her baby boy was born this morning, aww how exciting I can't wait to meet little Xavier... PRECIOUS!

*Not much to say today.. It's partly gloomy outside, perfect wheather for Halloween. I hope to finally get to be with my nieces and nephew for Halloween. I'm soo excited. Yay! Have a good and safe weekend. Talk to you on Monday.

CHANGE

The US has def been going thru sh** the past 8 years. Our leaders have demonstrated no sense of concern for our needs, only their own. Obama is up for change, and that's honestly what this world needs. I think depression is one of the biggest problems in the world today. So many people are unsatisfied with their life trying to get by. No one has enough money to do anything, to go anywhere, and this causes problems. Relationships are filled with arguments, anger, stress, and breakups. Marriages are filled with financial difficulties, divorces, child support, stress, and anger. And the single people are burdened with having to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders alone... NO ONE IS HAPPY... and it's sad that we've come to this. It takes an evolved understanding in order to deal with what the world gives us today. The tainted education that has been passed down by those that have lost their desire to teach has corrupted young children today. There are very few teachers out there that still have the strive, the drive, to CHANGE the world by teaching the children that will lead tomorrow. It's a half a** program that leads them to their own destruction. Leaving the parents to try and reeducated the mislead. Will we truly gain higher meaning if Obama leads us there, I have begun to think so. He will fulfill the hopes of many. Will take on the tasks handed to him. This will help the people to function correctly again, this will hopefully make all those depressed feeling deteriorated. The people have stopped sitting in a silent desporation for change, and have chosen to follow an individual that promises to give this... I have an issue with men in my life keeping their promises and leaving when times get hard... it has left me with a sad impression of men, I have faith that Obama will change this indented stamp on my heart... it will no longer read "broken" it will read "CHANGED"....

Submit Your Vote

Hey guys, do me a favor and Submit your vote... where? at this website http://www.poetry.com/publications/search.asp?First=felicia&Last=alcaraz&search=Search for my poems... click on any of the titles read it and then at the bottom click the icon that says "rate this poem" and then you can rate it.. the more raitings I get each day the more of a chance i have to get my stuff published (YaY!) Also be sure to click on all the little links on the side of this blog page, I earn points for each click and possibly get some money in my pocket.. I know this doesn't really help you out much, but it helps me... and it's always great to help out a friend... if the link doesn't work you could always GOOGLE me.. haha seriously http://www.google.com/ enter Felicia Alcaraz and my blog plus one of my poems will deff show up... so gooo. doo it! what are you waiting for hehe... Submit your vote...

*oh yah, there's also like a presidential election going on right now, so you can go vote for that too hehe..

Untitled

This is a love I have never had before,
Everyone says that, sure,
But I honestly can say when God sent you my way
He knew he had a plan that he had to put in play.
Love was unexpected for both you and I,
Infact at first we both didn’t want it but…. Love we could not deny.
It fell into our hearts and overwhelmed our lives.
We didn’t want to be apart and the “future” is what we had insight.
I didn’t think this kind of love would be bestowed on me,
I thought it was only in those old fashioned love stories.
But we found each other and have made it last,
Even though we have ruff times you always got my back.
That’s more than I can ask for in any relationship, I’m a complicated chick,
With a lot of issues inside me, still you’ve accepted me completely.
When you act like an old grouch and try to push me away,
That’s when I try to love you more and let you know I’m here to stay.
I get on your nerves at times, and you get on mine,
But that’s what loves about you know I aint lyin..
Ups and downs,
The rounds and rounds,
The cycles that continue and break,
The habits you change and the ones you just take.
It’s all what you make of it,
If you see it continuing or if you can’t handle it.
You’ve become a part of my inner core,
Somewhere no one’s ever been before…
That means more to me than you’ll ever know
That we are one and won’t let go
I can’t count on a lot of things in life,
I just know I love you very much,
And someday …. Maybe… I’ll be your wife.

©2008 Felicia

Every Sixty Seconds You Spend Upset is a Minute of Happiness You'll NEVER Get Back

I've always tried to express to people when I first meet them that time is the most valuable thing to me because it is something you'll never get back, be able to make up, or change. I don't regret anything in life because I feel there was something at that moment in time that made me do what ever it is that I did. Feeling sorry about something is completely different than regretting it. I normally try to be a cheery person, pretty outgoing, and upbeat. I don't like to be upset, sad, or mad. I honestly feel it is a waste of time to hold a grudge or not talk threw problems... the time spent mad at eachother could be the time spent making up. (Making up is sooo much more fun).. I was sent this quote today

***"Every second spent upset is a Minute of Happiness You'll NEVER Get Back"***

Man oh man did this hit home... I've noticed over the past few months, I've spent soo much time angry, crying, upset, hurt, sad, mad... every emotion except happiness... yah there is brief views and moments of it here and there... but honestly, I've been a huge burden on friends and family because I always got some issue in my life I'm venting about... sure no one's life is perfect and i KNOW there are people out there with bigger issues than mine. I've been looking at the cup half empty, and thats not like me... I don't hold grudges... I hated going to sleep mad or upset, and now thats nothing to me.. I could easily fall asleep in an argument with someone... I've fallen away from "me" .. i've lost myself.. i've waisted plenty of minutes of happiness that i'll never be able to get back... I don't want to lose those minutes of happiness anymore... i don't. I gotta get it together like India Arie says "you have to heal your body, heal your heart & get it together"

Weekend News

On a lighter note... hehe... Sorry about the other blog, I had to get it off my chest. I hope not to offend anyone.. PLEASE DON'T READ IT if you don't want to read the mean side of me.. haha. anywho so Friday I did shoot out to the fam bams and chilled for a minute. Larry went to Ricks to play some XBOX.. and Saturday we went to Claim Jumper and to the movies.. we calculated that for someone to go on a date to dinner and a movie it's basically like $80 now.. that is just CA-RAY-ZEE! it was like $40 for dinner. $17 to get in (student discount woo hoo) and $19 for a water, a drink, popcorn, & candy... it was more for snacks then to freaken get in.. man oh man. We saw Pride and Glory ( a great movie ) and also The Secret Lives of Bees -- you know I had to go see it, shoot alicia keys, dakota fanning, and Queen latifah those are my girls... woo. It was an awesome movie, very touching, sad, happy, and sooo much more... Will Smith and Jada did a fabulous job directing that movie. Deff tear jerker, Felicia's rating give it two thumbs up a MUST SEE movie. hehe. Sunday was chill day and Nick's gathering, which is always fun to see everyone hangin out and laughin.. yup that was the weekend in a bundle. Today' monday (back to work day) ugh... Larry's gonna be at mi casa when I get home, so ima cook some dinner... yummy!

Restricted

Please do not read if you don't want to read cursing or witness me telling someone off.... okay so all my life I've been that girl that most girls hate.. whether it was because they thought their man liked me, or I liked their man, or because I was good friends with their man, or simply because they were jealous of me. Basically bitches have hated on me all my life (thank you to those that made me their focus). To new comers in my life, they ask me "doesn't it bother you that they hate on you" and my response remains the same "if i was new to the game perhaps it would, but i've been dealin with that b.s. all my life so it don't faze me." yup, I got the blocked calls, crank call, random text and all that b.s. all my life, they probably waited for a response or some lashing out and they didn't get it from me. Unless you had the balls to confront me in person then your bitch ass wasn't worth my time. And if you ever had the guts to step to me (which very few ever did not even a hand full) they got dealt with and never stepped again. I'm not tryin to make it sound like I'm some hard ass, back then I really was a youngster tryin to make my indent in the world. and now I deff see it as childish and stupid. But when I get restricted calls none stop from some one hanging up or staying quiet then texting me to stay away from their man and I HAVE NOOO CLUE who it is... wtf. You won't tell me whoo you are or who your man is, so how am I suppose to stay away.. then you want to make comments about my family... I'm 23 years old and don't chill or really talk to anyone of my age or younger, they are all older (i specifically do this because I thougth that they would be mature) and you're pulling some high school b.s. Come on! On Saturday night I literally got 23 restricted calls, if you have nothing better to do with your self on a Saturday night then to think of me and call me all night, I really must be something special to you or that big of a threat.. and if I am that big of a threat maybe you should be checking you MAN and not me.. IF you didn't know I'm in love and in a relationship which I write about daily, catch the clue, my man satisfies me and my needs so I have no reason to go else where or def not to some triflin bitches man like yours... You're always gonna have haters it is inevitable (especially for me) and as you get older you'll learn to ignore them more and more. I just wanted to express that being the hater is more work then being the hated... GLAD TO SEE I KNOW HOW TO PUT YOU WORK BITCH... step to me now, I called you out!

Oldies But Goodies

So I added a new playlist on my blog... some oldies but goodies... kinda in the mood for some chill old skewl cuts. I hope you enjoy. There are no meanings or hidden messages behind any of these songs, just a list I thought would please my daddy. hehe. You should take a listen to it, just might make you reminisce. =)

Look Out Weekend Here I Come

what it do baby boo! it's Friday YAY! Lord knows I was waiting... nothing fabulous planned this weekend.. but still its the freaken weekend. Its Nick's' bday today.. happy birthday sucka ducka... his celebrity party is on Sunday I'll do my regular cameo. haha In other news Larry is finally feeling better. Today i'm suppose to head out to Santa Ana and chill with the fam bam, but depending when I get off work i doubt i'd wanna be in that b**** ass traffic on the 91 ya feel me. so I guess we'll see what goes down tonight hehe... I'm kinda on blank mode right now maybe I'll throw some lyrics at you later... maybe... otherwise Have a Great Weekend and talk to ya on MONDAY!

*****Look out weekend here I come*****

In a World Full of Chaos

In a world full of chaos it's nice to know you have people who care about you. Often times you feel as if though you are being tugged in multiple directions and feel like you're going to be ripped into pieces... but it is the people that surround you that hold you down. Family, friends, loved ones, and even pets can remind you of how precious your life is. I'm 23 and still trying to figure out what I am going to do with myself & my life. I want to finish school I do, financial aid is just sooo troubling. I have an opportunity to be a Riverside Sheriff I just need to get myself in shape and pass the physical agility test. I could always take the Pharmacy Tech Test for $150.00 I just need to freshen up on my configurations and generic vs brand names but I know I could learn it, it's just a matter of taking the time to learn it. Ugh, I do have a kick back job here, I'm good at what I do and get it done efficiently but my pay vs taxes, 401K and bills just leaves me hopelessly stagnated. I know I know I'm only 23 people tell me that all the time, I just don't want to find my "career job" when I should already be established ya know? Luckily when I feel I'm being torn in all these directions, I can take a breathe talk to my mom, sis, Gill, or even Dad. I also have loved ones like Larry's mom Mrs. Dixon ( a wonderful woman I am glad to have met) or if she has time his sister Mika... I always have my friends here at work, Coco who always seems to relate to everything I'm saying, Bee who always sees the brighter side of things, K who can make me laugh no matter what the situation and tell me the honest truth without me feeling offended-threatend-or hurt, or even my boss Sheila who is a great listener and always says the right thing even if it's nothing at all. If everyone's busy (which is ok everyone has a life) i can always confide in my babies.. haha I swear Lala is one of the greatest listeners ever... =) and now my blog, I write to you when there is no one to call on.. haha. . . well what am I gonna do??? I have NO clue. I know you might be thinking why didn't you say you can talk to Larry? well he is an automatic, a guarantee... hehe, sometimes he's sleeping, or busy stressin on his own thing, I don't want to burden him with my thoughts that can easily be talked about with someone else. . . but if I ever truly need him he is def there. . . . .

Well in my world full of chaos I just want to lay in bed and think, I love to plan and make goals, just gotta get that back into effect... I've kinda fallen off from that part of my life. Ugh, as my favorite saying goes: Lord Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change the courage to change the things that I can and the knowledge to know the difference...

Be Not Satisfied

IF you are no longer happy in the situation you’re in,
One would suggest for you to get out of it.
IF you feel there’s just something holding on to you,
There’s a possibility that you’re holding on too.
IF you can’t determine whether you’re happy or sad,
Possibility is you already know the answer to that.
IF you just can’t admit it cuz love is involved,
Then it is that “love” that should force you to reveal all.
Still I know it is hard to be the one to step forward and speak the truth,
Fear of crushing the other is what’s preventing you….

OR IS IT???

Reality is – it’s the fear that you’ll regret your decision later,
By then they would have found someone better.
Then what? You return to the question of if you’re happy or sad,
And the cycle begins right back over again…..

© 2008 Felicia

Another Day Another Dolla

Yo! Sorry I missed you yesterday I was crazy illin it. I went home early on Monday and yesterday I went to the doctors... finally got my flu shot. I swear everyone needs to get one of those. Anywho, I just got into work and got alot to take care of... another day another dolla right? well I guess, Larry is still sick, he's gonna be resting at my apartment. Ima visit my momma today, I miss her. And Gill too, and of coarse my babies.. =( anywho nothing too exciting happened just rested and tried to get better, Sky started talking a lot yesterday.. it was soo cute. anywho I'll keep you posted through out the day. Added some old skewl hits to my music at the bottom felt like hearing em'. Check it out!

Aight well ttyl*

Football Update

Now you know I was gonna write about this... O.T. Raiders beat the NY Jets 16 - 13 by a 57 yard field goal completed by Janikowski. Now these are both my teams if you remember me saying, of coarse I'm the official raiderette, but I wanted to follow Brett Farve and honestly I thought NY Jets were gonna walk away with the win... then at the end we were up and the Jets missed thier field goal and we coulda walked away with an easy win, but our brilliant (intern coach) called a time out right before so the field goal didn't count and the jets got to kick it again which took us 13 - 13 into O.T. and then we won there... it was great I was sick and dying, but I stayed up to watch that part haha.

** In other football news wtf is up with the officially voted "worst team in the nfl" beating the officially voted "best team in the nfl"??? and not even a good defense game 34-14 Rams beat the Cowboys... come on people.. what is really going on? Not only is our economic status in the world just chaotic, now football?? no say it isn't sooo.. haha I have no words for this really I'm still shocked... so much for NFL sports announcers voting on NFL teams... hahaha

What Goes Around Comes Around

** on a quick note, so Larry and I always make the time pass in line by talkin mess on other people lmao.. so we were in the space mountain line which was like 45 min. and this dude infront of us was all paranoid, he kept lookin back at us and he would grab his girl and step up some.. so us naturally being amused by this we would walk closer to him or beside him and he'd turn all quick and we would bust up laughing... Larry put his hood on over his hat lookin all thuggish and i was like "right baby, he's gonna think this big black dude is gonna jack us" haha.. we were makin fun of him because it was like he din't want any one to touch them or go near them - we were like "wrong place to be buddy"...
=/ **well if only we were a little more like the dude we were talkin mess on, we probabley wouldn't be dealin with the flu huh?? funny how that works.. lmao

The Flu

ahhh where to begin my beloved reader.... well we did go to Disneyland on Saturday... Larry got called into work on Friday for O.T. (which he utterly did not want to go to but I pushed him into it sum what because we all could use a little extra money right now) we decided to go to Disneyland another time... except on Friday night I swear I musta had a nervous brake down or something.. just soooo much is going on with my family right now you wouldn't even believe it if I told you... and I'm the mediator and the peacemaker, and the "make u feel better" one haha.. so I kinda get the load from everyone else and hold it all in and for some reason Friday I let it all out and I didn't even want too...

Anywho so Saturday when larry got to my apartment at 8am after work, I had made him some breakfast burritos, chorrizo (is that how you spell it??) and sausages with salsa in a flour tortilla... he loved it of coarse and told me he still wanted to go to Disneyland, I was reluctant due to the fact that he workd over night, and I know him well enough to know if he has lack of sleep he becomes mr. grumpy pants... haha.. but he persuaded me into it. He slept until 11:30 ish and we got to Disneyland by 1pm. To our amazement it wasn't that packed at all, was pretty hot though. We got on all the usual rides... pirates, haunted mansion, thunder, splash, space, star tours, etc etc. Lines weren't that long either... But man oh man.. the Flu was around, people coughing and sneezing and blowing their noses... we were like "oh man!".. we agreed to take some airborne once we got back to my spot (TOO LATE) by 8pm our throats were hurting, we were caughin and Larry was sneezing and feeling icky. . . so we watched the firework show (spectacular, i LOVED it) went on a mission to buy my moms rose that lights up (I buy her one every single time I go to Disneyland, been doin it since I was like 8, yes she has a gang of em) couldn't find one, and it was getting cold & late so we bounced out =( stopped by Vons the only close convenient place that was open got soup, NyQuil, Vick's, tea, & honey. Got back to my spot and drugged ourselves up on airborne, alkaselser, soup, vicks. and crashed.. I woke up a little better (i'm a fighter when it comes to sickness) Larry kinda lets it take over him I personally think he just likes me to take care of him.. so of coarse I did, alllll day =) and we slept most of the day. He got up to go to work at 11pm and actually went but of coarse came back by like 2am ( i knew he was gonna do that) he made himself some tea and soup. I was puckin my brains out by this point and feelin nasty.. but I knew I had to be a champ and make it to work haha.. so I got up today and threw some clothes in the wash, went to the store to get my baby what he needed and off to work i went... so here I am,, feelin growse wanting to go home and snuggle in bed.. but I can't its a monday busy day.. ugh... I want to go home.. damn this flu

Blogger World

So I was scopin out the blogger world, lookin for new blogs to follow and I found we have a high volume of family's & couple blogs.... I got nothing against family's or couples... but I'm trying to find out about other people's individual blogs, if you have an individual blog and talk about your family or significant other thats cool.... Also, there are thousands of religious blogs, I almost feel bad having songs on my page that have bad words in it (almost) what if someone insanely into God comes to my page and this song comes on talking about "handcuff me & give it to me"... haha I'm embarrassed now and it hasn't happened yet (I hope). . . I found a few interesting people and added them.. but not as many as I thought I would, then again I only scoped out the Riverside area, maybe I need to expand my search... ??? ehh well I guess my blog isn't as exciting any ways... boo for the reader...

** well tomorrow Larry & I plan on going to Disneyland yay... we're using the tickets he gave me for our anniversary... I hope we have a blast... i love going there and just being crazy, a big kid, my real side comes out... loud, obnoxious, rude, & just don't give a f.... (wait the hardcore religious people might be reading this) lmao... hey hey, I believe in the Lord, I go to church sometimes, and I pray every night... I just believe the Lord created us as people not robots so we can all be different and bring something new to the table... and I fully plan on using that to my advantage, there's nothing worse in life than "being like everyone else"... I despise followers... its about being a leader and setting up your own steeelo.. haha. (i totally went off on another tangent there) BACK to disney land ... yay! and it's Halloween time, I LOVE IT.. i can't wait, I'm like a little kid right now, I probably won't be able to sleep tonight haha... well I gotta head out, gotta do this "work" thing.. boo... peace out, (One LUV)

*New Edition*

Ahh, so I've totally forgotten to mention that we got a new edition to our cute little family... A pretty bird her name is "Sky". I'm one of those people where if I see an animal on a movie or tv show I'm like "baby, I want one"... yah well that can be a problem for a girl that usually gets what she wants.... so Larry & I were watching a movie and I saw a bird and of coarse... the story continues to where this weekend we walked into the pet shop and I looked at the birds and saw Sky, she was sooo pretty, I don't even like blue, but she was a pretty sky blue (hence the name). Anywho we walked out and went back to my apartment to figure out what we wanted to do... I told Larry "I already have a name for her"... he said "who".. I said "the bird"... he was like "do you really want her???" and he bought up some mishaps of when I get excited about an animal, get it, and then I get tired some and sell it (to a good family of coarse)... but I wanted her, so we drove back to the petshop and we got her (yay). So now when Larry's around my full family he is dominated my 4 women hehe - Me, Lala, Mooh, & Sky. Anywho just thought I'd share a little slide of my lovely Fam bam... Hope you like it... it's kinda long, I just couldn't let you miss out on some of these flicks ....

Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you to all that stopped by my blog.. you guys are awesome!!! I love you all.... Ahsh you are my homie for life... us Aries gotta stick together lol and we just hit it off from the start like what 3 years ago.. damn...luv ya girlie... to Coco you know I love you... you r fabulous & another sister to me! Mikie.. you are just crazy I swear and Dirty but thats why I love ya... oh yah and BOOOO on tampa bay they suck! haha.. Adri, wow it has been a long time thanks for stopping by you were always a great friend. and last but def not least... my baby, my heart, i love you too and thanks for the loving words. Well party people thats all for now, just wanted to show my appreciations... & if you stopped by and didn't leave a comment no fret I still got luv for ya!

Felicia Alcaraz

"What's in a name: That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet." (Shakespeare - Romeo & Juliet) When I was younger I despised my name, I always said that once I was old enough I would change it... haha.. here I am 23 and still no change... I come to love my name... and kind of thought of it as Juliet stated it,... it doesn't matter what my title is, I still am the person within.. So whether I'm Felicia Alcaraz or some exotic name like Neveah ... I would still be who I am today... My roots and history identify with my name... Felicia, Felish, Flea, F, Flo, Felly, etc etc I still am "me"... as evil as that makes me, or as pure as it makes me either way... my name is just a label, the person with in is "me"... who am "I" you ask? shoot your guess is as good as mine... I'm still on that road of figuring out.. and just when I think I truly know who I am and what I'm about something drastic happens in life to make me question myself... ahh the joy of life.. So anywho this rant an rave came about because I changed my link to my name... instead of feliciasinfo.blogspot.com it is now feliciaalcaraz.blogspot.com ... this is my name... my "title"... the blog is "me"... ya dig?

Family

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Well indeed we had to deal with an extremely hard thing this past week. But over all it was a blessing. And thats what the Lord does, he works in mysterious ways... I've said it multiple times already, it's sad that a funeral is what brought my family together, but it brought us together, and hopefully not for the last time. It was sooo great to see every one and reminisce about back in the day, about my grandfather, and just about life and the changes that come with time.... I wanted to post some pictures just to show my lovely cousins, who were all like bigger brothers and sisters to me...

My Cousins, (a good looking bunch aren't we?)

The Lovely Ladies, Monique, Me, My Sis, & Marrissa

The Guys Albert, Raymond, Robert, and Joseph

We are all cheesin it!

And of coarse the most photogenic couple in the world (I Swear)
Larry & I

So again it was a joy to see everyone hanging out and talking and just... well.. getting along. Thank you grandpa for pulling us together yet another time... I love you and you will be missed forever!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dreadful Days Part I

Well today I was going to write about the roseary tonight and how I'm really nervous about going, we've all been asked to say something, my sister asked me to write a poem (since again that is one of my nifty crafts)... That's probabley what I should be thinking about all day... however, sadly there are other things... Today's lesson boys and girls is going to be definitions... I want you to know the true definitions of words that mean something to me... Here we go:

LOVE: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. Affectionate concern for the well-being of another.

COMPROMISE: a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc...

PRIDE: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

INSENSITIVE: Lacking in sensitivity to the feelings or circumstances of others;

CHANGE: to make the form, nature, content, future courses, of something different from what it has been or normally would be

STUBBORN: unreasonably obstinate; fixed or set in purpose or opinion

COMPASSION: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering

MEAN: offensive, selfish, or unaccommodating; nasty; malicious, small-minded or ignoble

SORRY: feeling sorrowful, deplorable, pity, suffering, or sad

APOLOGIZE: to offer an apology or excuse for some fault, insult, failure or injury

FORGIVE: to grant pardon for or remission of an offense, debt etc.

REKINDLE: to relight, revive, or renew (a fire, flame, bond, love, friendship, relationship)

HOPE: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best...


*** and honestly out of all these deffinitions thats all I can do is hope....

History in the Making

Well it's been pretty random lately... I've been on this trip of discovering my roots and making sure that if I were to die tomorrow people would still have a way of knowing who Felicia Alcaraz really is... I started this link on the "ancestry" website and have actually amazed myself with how much I know about my family and my roots. During my grandfathers passing, we tried to get in contact with my aunt Barbara, no one had her number, an address or anything... my sister actually wasted like over $30 on those "find people" websites trying to find her, but every number that was found was disconnected, we even got an address for one of her sons (which amazingly was like 2 blocks from my apartment) so I drove over there and wouldn't you know it, it was empty and for sale.. (I think those websites are B.S.) but he has passed and she doesn't even know... imagine not even knowing your father has passed... wow! I want to make sure my family (although we have issues with one another) still has some source of contact or links to one another and if I'm the one that has to do it on some damn ancestry website then so be it... I asked my mom what her grandfathers name was and she couldn't even tell me... thats just crazy to me... I do believe everything happens for a reason, and when the lord takes one life he gives another... My grandfathers passing has opened my eyes to a lot of things, and made me think sooo much my brain is officially fried... over all, life is just to short to deal with all the bull. I have goals I have dreams.. I just need people around me that are going to continue being there for me as I am for them.. not adding on more bull, or making the choices in my life more difficult.. I've gotten tired of a lot of stuff and all of this thinking has grown anger with in me... the kind that makes me feel like i'm not gonna put up with much more shit.. i'm almost ... or maybe i am in my "whatever" stage.. i just feel i aint got the time for your shit and if that makes me a b*t** than so be it, I don't care.. Ima do for me and mine. Ima support my family and myself and if you're along for the ride, by all means thank you, but if you here just to cause more heart ache and pain... please continue walking by and go to the next blog... ya dig!

R.I.P. ANGEL SANCHEZ LARA

It is official, my grand-father Angel Sanchez Lara has passed away. May he rest in peace. Sunday (Gods day) around 3:45pm he went with the angels to his final resting place. My cousin Robert was there saying a prayer with all the family and then my grandpa left.... it was as if my cousins prayer released him. Most of our family was able to make a visit and say their good bye's. My cousin Robert came down from San Diego, and my cousin Albert flew in from Colorado. It's so amazing to see cousins and family you haven't seen in a while. Unfortunately the last time we saw eachother was for my cousin Albert's father's funeral. . . it actually wasn't that long ago, just a couple of months, we all flew to Colorado for the services. Death is when we come together. Most of us don't keep in touch like we use to, however when anyone in our family needs support we are there in a second and that is what family is about right? This was my mom's father, her mother passed away about 2 years ago. It is important that since both parents are gone we still maintain some sort of contact with the family, we don't let it slowly go away... I have been chosen to use my artistic ways and created a collage of the family's photos for the services... I know i was chosen because everyone knows I come up with created things to do, I also know it's because I'm the only one that has thousands of photos and I'm sure I can come up with some great ones. Larry and I started working on it last night, it's fun to see old pictures of all of my cousins, aunts and uncles from back in the day... well this is all for now... the viewing is Thursday and the funeral Sunday... I'll keep you posted on anything new

On a brighter note, yesterday was mine and Larry's 2 year anniversary. On friday he had a beautiful arrangement of flowers sent to my work with an Anniversary balloon... SOOOO sweet and romantic... They were "star gazers" I love these flowers they are sooo pretty and smell soo good. On Saturday he gave me a beautiful card that made me get teary eyed about love and enjoying being together. He also gave me two tickets to Disneyland.... (hmmm I wonder who I will take lol) just kidding, he knows how much I love that place it just sets me free I swear. And Sunday he gave me another card (which I was just happy to see another card) this one was more of a thanks, for sticking around... I loved it just as much as the other. And Monday, our actual anniversary we lounged around together, as you can tell this weekend was a ruff one with the family and doing misc things to help out, so in the evening to just hang out and relax together was sooo perfect for me and just needed. We played card games, laughed and talkd. Well, when there's bad there's always good, I'm just glad Larry was the one I shared my good with, and if I had to go thru bad, I'm glad my family was there to support thru that....

You're Here One Day.... And Then You're Not....

It's sad that it normally takes a death in the family or something tragic to pull people together... Many sit around wishing they could have told this person this or that, or perhaps they wished they would have forgiven them... Once someone is gone, that's all you have ... the "shoulda woulda coulda's". People get older and death is indeed inevitable, but still it's almost as if we are naive enough to think it won't happen today or tomorrow when it's quite possible. For example, by the time I return on Monday my grandfather will probably have passed... One of the worst feelings to feel is helpless... there is nothing any one can do to help him, or his pain. Everyone just has to sit around and wait for that horrid moment when his eyes close and he's officially gone wtih the angels...

** Let me just tell you, for myself, I was brought up and taught that it is very important to always give hugs and kisses to eachother before you walk away/drive away/ go away. Always say I love you before you hang up or leave no matter what, even if you are in an argument, because you never know, that might be the last time you get to talk to that person. I would always want to know the last words I said to someone were "I Love you" or "take care" with a smile...

Cherish those around you, unfortunately the way life is They're here one day... and then they're not.

Love Language

***I thought today I would bless you with the words of one my favorite lyricist Mr. Talib Kweli... This is my all time favorite song by him, I'm sure most of you haven't even heard it, it goes back to his Album: Reflection Eternal which hit the streets in 2000. Check it out:

"Love Language"

Yo we're going to have the word love in many different languages translated all through the track
So whenever you hear the word love Know that it's going to be in a different language
The language of love cannot be translated
yo Love is blind you just see bright light
You up in the club feelin' the night life lookin' for the right type
Blood rushing to your heart making it beat
When she swept you off your feet and made it complete
You know the plan you had to conquer the world Thinking you Scarface, looking for that perfect girl
And now you found her Started with romantic, then got to frantic
Then things thats normally small become gigantic
Now y'all sinkin like the Titanic here come the panic
Bein with you like a habit without you I can't stand it
It's tragic when you wonder when you lost that magic
Without understanding that you never had it try to grab it
Communication cut off Getting mad cause you turned or wondering where she shut off Constantly comparing you to someone in my past
We don't smile anymore, and we argue over cash
Advance to that physical shit
"See what happens if you keep talkin"
"See what happens if you lay a finger on me motherf..."
Yo, see what I'm sayin' It's like one big mind game that everybody playin and
Nig*** say bitc*** is trife, bitc*** say ni*** is
We just don't understand our fundamental differences
I'm still learning though, actually I just do what come naturally, naturally, naturally
(Chorus): L'amour n'a pas de, frontiere (Love has no boundaries) Restes car je t'aime comme tu es (Stay because I love you as you are) J'ai traverse l'ocean du verbe (I crossed an ocean of words) Et je t'ai trouve (And I found you)
Women thrive on emotions, men refuse to acknowledge
So when we arguin nobody win
Words get in the way time and again
Sticks and stones break your bones words break your heart
Whether you in touch with that part or not say "word"
Words are weapons for the revolutionary
Used for evil make the situation very scary Word up,
but love is brave It flies in the face of fear
Yo, wherever you want to go love'll take you there
Let's go, you know a flower that grow in the ghetto
Know more about survival than the one from fresh meadows
It got love for the sun, that's where I'm comin from
Spit in this fashion cause I love rockin over drums Word (te quiero)
I put my love into my music
If you with me then you love how I do it
If my heart you're livin' in your ocean I'm swimmin' in
Never drowning got me floatin' watching you in slow motion
Love potion overdosin approachin
The explosion of my senses everyday without your heart is like a sentence in jail
Trust I'll always be mentally free
You got the key to let it out I'll show you how it could be Love it ain't nuttin but a word
A chicken ain't nuttin but a bird Yo, yo, yo
Some of y'all in love with that material but love enter my life like a miracle and It reciprocal that's why I'm feeling you love
We exibit our natural behavior
Like making love under the moon in Jamaica
Get you so hot you call the name of the creata
The morning we hop back into action again
Up on the wall lovin how the sun blacken your skin
Remember when we explored the beach Swam in the ocean and saw beneith
How the colors of the coral reef looked like the illest floral peice
That's what your beauty remind me of It's hard to find a love like ours, taking it high above Them other duns try to spit game but, I dont sweat it though
Know in my heart that we connected so I let it go
Now if they call you out your name and that's a different thing
Anything but Queen I'll go to war like a King
Your friends sweat you cause you aint got a band
But they dont understand Some things is meant to stay between a woman and man
And they ain't privy to it so they try to get into it
Both you and me see through it so the way we flow is fluid
We speak the love language, they speak from pain and anguish
Some don't love theyselves so they perception is tainted
Out they joint like "Shit, he payin for your rent" missin the point
When you rub me into your skin just like an ointment
It's more than pillow talk, it can't be translated
Learn how to speak it, and become emancipated It's a language Universal love...

2 Years

Ever wonder what our lives would have been like had we not have met?

Sometimes its scary to think that thought but yet...

I wonder if we still would have met some way some how...

If we would have seen each other on the street and just said "wow"

Would we have talked for hours on end..

Would we both have known it was heaven sent?

Would we have walked past each other but met some where else?

I believe so, with out a doubt.

See that's what you believe

When it's meant to be...

No matter where or when in life...

If you're destined to be together it'll happen... just right.

So whether it was 2 years ago...

Or if it was 2 years from now...

Don't you see, the point is "I just know..."

You and I would have found each other some way... some how

© 2008 Felicia

History Repeats Itself

Today’s lesson boys and girls will be a lesson on how “History Does Really Repeat Itself” for a while now I’ve been telling people the Great Depression is going to return. Many believed I was over exaggerating but if you take a good look at the world today do you see what road we are headed down…

It was 1929 and the people were in a worldwide economic downturn. It was the larges and most important economic depression in modern history. Most historians will use the starting date of the Great Depression as the stock market crash on October 29, 1929, which is better known as “Black Tuesday.”

Hmmm… Let’s take a break here, what was yesterday? TUESDAY… and what happened yesterday boys and girls.. U.S.stocks plunged and the Standard & Poor's 500 Index tumbled the most since the 1987 crash after the House of Representatives rejected a $700 billion plan to rescue the financial system. The Dow Jones Industrial Average slid 778 points for its biggest point drop ever as $1.2 trillion in market value was erased from American equities. The MSCI World Index of 23 developed markets slid 6.9 percent, the most in 21 years. In layman’s terms people…? The GOP revolt against America resulted in the largest point drop in DJIA history… -minus 778 points. This beats the previous record of 9/12/2001. All across America, retirees and would be retirees lost 7% of their stock value on average…. “Average”. For someone who’s been putting away money for 30 years, that’s 2 years of work lost down the toilet in one day… “One”.

The depression had devastating effects both in the developed and delveloping world. International trade was deeply affected, as were personal incomes, tax revenues, prices, and profits. Cities all around the world were hit hard, especially those dependent on heavy industry. Construction was virtually stopped in many countries. Even shortly after the Wall Street Crash of 1929, optimism continued. John D. Rockefeller said that "These are days when many are discouraged. In the 93 years of my life, depressions have come and gone. Prosperity has always returned and will again."

I’m sure it will come again, I’m sure gas prices will rise, home’s will be worth what they should be and above. But as of right now, it looks like we are going to have to repeat history and go so far down the drain before we rise again…

The Great Depression ended at different times in different countries. The majority of countries set up relief programs, and most underwent some sort of political upheaval, pushing them to the left or right. In some states, the desperate citizens turned toward nationalist political leaders - the most infamous being Adolf Hitler - setting the stage for World War II in 1939.

Please don’t let us end in that route again… we are in a political battle and a lot of the outcome rely’s on who sits in that house.

Now there has never been an exact pin point as to what started the fall of the economic standards. Recession cycles are thought to be a normal part of living in a world that revolves around supply and demand. What turns a usually mild and short recession or “ordinary” business cycle into a great depression is a subject of debate and concern. The big question is whether it was largely a failure on the part of free markets or largely a failure on the part of governments to cut off widespread bank failures, the resulting panics, and reduction in the money supply.

Yesterday, I heard in the news that there might come a point in time that the banks will freeze your accounts because they won’t have the money to supply you. “Won’t be able to supply you with YOUR OWN MONEY” … am I the only one that sees a resemblance here??? Honestly, am I trippin?

Okay okay, this is enuff of my history lesson… I just wanted to inform those few who don’t know what’s going on in the world… also if you thought I was the type that didn’t care about this matter, know ya kno…

Raiders Update

This will be a quick briefing... well FINALLY the oakland raiders fired Lane Kiffin Tuesday... wow! and lets just say Al Davis was not friendly in his goodbye to Kiffin... Fox Sports reported Davis saying "I reached a point where I felt that the whole staff were fractionalized, that the best thing to do to get this thing back was to make a change. It hurts because I picked the guy, I picked the wrong guy."... wow! that hurts.. Well Kiffin left with what a 5-15 record score since being hired... and to think people honored him because he was the youngest Head Coach in NFL... I don't think its an issue with our coaches... I think Al Davis just needs to leave the team himself... he is "the wrong guy"... he's 79 years old.. how much longer must we endure his presence.. lol (I'm going to hell for that I swear)

*p.s. I looked up "Fractionalized" and I seriously couldn't find it.. now Al Davis thinks he can create his own words... well .. well he should be "concused" haha (I amuse myself)