25 to Life

a life sentence feels like what I've received.
Because I was guilty of wanting a degree.
It feels like there's no limit to the price I have to pay.
I'm being punished for wanting information in my brain.
Convicted for wanting an education for my self.
Labeld an "offender" of taking a non-criminal route.
This sentenced is so crucial, I don't know if I can hang,
Imagine, I have to face all this because I chose not to join a gang.
Faceing a never ending torture that just aint right.
All this because I wanted something better for my life.

© written October 26, 2010

Taking One 4 the Team

Trying to fight what I feel inside
trying to ignore that this isn't right
Did something I never thought I'd do
I said I did something when I knew it wasn't true

Just wanted to stop all the drama & blame
the stress, heart ached, & pain
Didn't want to cause a gap with the family
When all I ever wanted was for them to love me

Sacrafice my character & my name
by admitting 2 something I didn't do & taking the blame
so that everyone else could sleep @ night
While I toss & turn, trying 2 tell myself it'll be alright

Did it mainly for him because I love him so
Because I couldn't handle having 2let him go
Guilty of a crime I didn't commit
All because she'd rather believe his bullshit

Stats Everyone Should Know

There are more African American men in prison than in college.

In fact there are four African American men in prison for every three in college.

(for white men, the ratio is about two in college for every one in prison)

African American born after 1960's are more likely to go to prison than to finish a four-year degree or serve in the military.

Wasn't always that way though, in 1980's there were three times more African American's in college than in prison.

Today, African American's make up 40% of the prison population, and only about 13 % of all U.S. Residents.

I'm not saying that you need to scolled the younger generation and teach them to do right... we all know that these statistics are not because African American't know nothing else but to commit crime.. no! that statement is false. There are a number of factors that play a role, one includes the fact that studies show the areas that police are instructed to patrol are usually high in population of African American's or Hispanics. They are sent to areas where there is less white males so how are they supppose to arrest anything other than a minority?

It is important for the younger generation and even our generation to know these statistics so that they can avoid putting themselves in certain environments. They also to be educated on the stats. There was a point in time when 3x as many African Americans were in college than in prison... I for one believe that those type of statistics can reoccur .. its just gonna take some word of mouth and encouragement from everyone.

Damaged Goods

there is indeed one thing
that can label me
as horrible as it seems
its as true as can be
"damaged goods"
thats what i am
"damaged goods"
do you understand?
its a blemish on my heart
it stands in front like a guard
not allowing love to start
but showing that others have left their mark.
Contaminated by the past that wont let go
as much as i fight it, it continues to grow
Fear rises but i try not to let it show
hoping it'll fade but it never seems to go
damaged goods
thats what i am
damaged goods
dont you understand
its a stigma i wish i didn't have
a defect i try to cover with a laugh
but when "love" i try to grab
it feels like that stigma is taking a jab.
the vitiate of the damage takes over me
announcing it still exist imperishably
Reminding me i was once worth winning
but after being tainted I am simply nothing...
but
damaged goods
thats who i am
damaged goods
dont you understand

Lost & alone

Happiness lies in the beholder.. there are few things that make me happy but many that make me sad.. what is wrong with me? Why can't I be normal and at ease? Why can't I go back to the old me...? the one so happy and joyous.. the one so confident and free... who was ambitious and motivated.. and care free? So many things have created a cross roads on my track, yes I've over come so much in life.. but many things have left their track, their mark, the damage, that I must let go.. I try and i try but I don't know how. Many say they desire me, but I assure them that its a facade, they see the good things.. but dont know what lies beneath.. a troubled, damaged, girl.. with many issues.. you wouldn't think of in all the world. I just want love and effection, is that so much to ask? I just want someone to love me whole heartly, and who isn't afraid to shout it to the world. Who is proud to have me on their arm, not complain about how unhappy I am.. i just want someone to cradle me in their arms and kiss the back of my neck, someone to walk up behind me and tell me how good i look... someone to think outside the box and not send me flowers or roses.. but send me a small gift every hour on the hour for one special day. mail a card to me in the mail.. even though you'll see me inbetween the delivery.. things to make me smile and know that you're randomly thinking of me.. not because i want you to, or ask you to, but because you genuinely love me and do those things on your own.. i want a man.. a man who doesn't care if others think he's soft, as long as his woman is happy thats what matters.. im not asking for riches, pearls, or diamonds.. im asking for affection.. is that soo much?? really is it??

Red Sensations

I slither into the bathroom, where I slowly find my ease.
I grab the blade, put it to my leg, & let the blood release.
As I stare at the sweet red sensations that oozes out of me,
I forget all my problems and continue to cut into me.
Red sensations flowing onto the ground,
Red sensations dripping now,
Its the red sensations with out a doubt...
its the red sensations thats helping me out.
Slices to the skin, parting something once whole,
creating two parts down the middle is where the blade goes,
The red sensation continues to just flow,
Oh life of mine.. please just let me go -
Red sensations flowing onto the ground,
Red sensations dripping now,
Its the red sensations with out a doubt...
Its the red sensations thats helping me out.

Troubled Me ...

It scares me at time... to think of the past and how things seem like such a cycle. You wish something would just stop and come to its end already, but then you wish some things could just go back to how they were... but you can't only have one with out the other... or can you?

I have connected with a lot of people but there are few outside of family members that I actually feel "connected" to ya know what i mean. My father is definetly someone I have an odd relationship/connection with. There are some that have seen the ups and downs I have experienced with my dad. These are the people I would think would understand my pain the most. As odd as it is though... They are not. They contribute and add on to that weird connection/relationship. People ask for my help or my attention, but I can only bear so much. To look into your eyes and see that emptiness that is with in kills me. I wonder if I had a part in it... I sit next to my father a man that has draged me thru hell and hurt me so much... and then i turn to you and see the hurt i have for you. its as if i know you are feeling pain and I feel it for you too. Except i express my emotions and feelings through words .. you chose liquor, drugs, cigerates, a slash to the wrist... some say if I stick around the old you may return.. but just by looking in your eyes, i know that person has come and gone.. and will never return. You were once so innocent and pure.. and some how your eyes got opened to a whole new world (maybe it was my fault) once you got the taste of the thrill you wanted to experience more and newer things.. then i lost you. I care for you so much that it trully disturbs me.

its like someone is asking for my help because they are drowning, while i'm trying to save my dad over here i have someone else asking for my help next to him. They are both very important to me ... but i feel weak and I know my strength can't handle them both plus trying to keep myself out of water... its only a matter of time before they pull me in, except i don't think i would even have the strength to hold my head above water... so do i turn away? or is that being selfish.. ahhh i don't know what to do.. all i know is that it kills me to see you both the way you are, it angers me too, ive had to deal with that crap all my life, i never woulda thought you would make me relive those moments and i never would have thought my father would continuously drag me through the mud with him... lord give me strength....

Being Thankful...

Before I start my day every morning I make sure I thank the Lord for giving me another day and for all his blessings... right now I like to take the time to say a special thank you to the Lord for my car, for my job, and for my apartment... often times we take for granted the things that we are blessed with and don't remember to be thankful for all things... I honestly do not know what I would do if I had a job where I had to work out side.. or even inside but they restrict the AC usage... (i use to work at K Mart and they DO NOT put the AC any lower than like 87 i swear)... And I'm so thank ful to have a car, because to ride a bus, walk, or ride a bike would be unbearable for me. Like most people I complain about my job or the way my car does this or that, but in all reality Im thankful to have them. I could be homeless, with out a job, and no AC to cool me off, I could be out there right now sitting outside the KMART asking for money for water or something, I'm fortunate enuff that the Lord blessed me with all my surroundings, and I want to say thank you, I acknowledge and appreciate all your blessings.

-Love Felicia <3

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

used by Nelson Mandela written by M. Williamson

an all time favorite <3

I am Me

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
-V. Satir

What to do . . .

My heart is cold
And I feel blue
Why do I feel the way I do?

I feel the earth below me
Like a pillow under my head
No knives, no guns, but some pills instead.

The bottle lays empty
Cap unscrewed
What will I do? What will I do?

Will my lover find me?
What will he say?
What will he think of the choice I made?

Will he pound the ground
and scream why oh why?
Or will he JUST say good bye?

My parents will arrive,
my sister too,
they ask out loud "what did she do?"

I look away,
but the pains too deep,
my life could be over because of me.

I look at the bottle
for one last glance
And I contemplate the consequence.

©Felicia Alcaraz 7/10/10

Recent Mishap

DUE TO THE RECENT MISHAP WITH VOTING.. BEEN KINDA "EHH" TODAY - MY SISTER TELLS ME, NOT 2WORRY I'VE BEEN FIGHTING 4 BETTER THINGS ALL MY LIFE - & SHE'S SEEN A LOT OF THE CHALLENGES I HAD 2OVERCOME W/MY EDUCATION - SO SHE KNOWS GOD WOULDN'T HAVE ME COME THIS FAR TO NOT MAKE IT ALL THE WAY... =) & MY BABY TELLS ME NO MATTER WHAT IMA WINNER & THE BESTEST IN HIS EYES... ♥ THANK YOU LORD 4 MY SUPPORT SYSTEM - FAMILY/LOVER/ OR FRIEND - IM THANKFUL 4U ALL & THIS TOO SHALL PASS .. SO BE READY FOR THE NEXT VOTING SESSION FOR SCHOLARSHIPS.. hehe & NEXT TIME MORE OF YOU WILL VOTE =) I AINT STOPPIN HERE - I DON'T GIVE UP THAT EASY... IM ON A MISSION BABY.. A MISSION FOR AN EDUCATION =)

Proud to Be...

Luke 6:38 "Give & it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."

♥ Many people that know me.. really know me, know that I'm very loyal and I take pride in being a good friend. I will do everything in my power to help you out in your time of need. Even if you didn't help me in my time of need, cuz in the end... I'm the type of person that would still be there for you if you needed me, I won't hold a grudge, I'm just not like that.

I don't do things to get them in return, I just think of how I would want to be treated if I was in that situation, I don't do it because I wanna make sure you remember what I did for you so you can pay me back. I take pride in being like that, often times yes I get taken advantage of, but ultimately at the end of the day, I can go to sleep knowing that I was a good friend, and did everything in my power to stay that way.

whether it took a simple 5 min out of my day, or it took me a whole day, I can rest knowing I did all that I could do... I've had a lot of people, (friends & family) promise to be there for me and then turn thier back on me, or had disagreements, or even just having a "falling out" with them, but if at any moment I saw them in pain, hurt, or in need I would be there to comfort them, help them, or try to fill their need at the drop of a dime.I'm proud of the friend I can be, because I know I'm that "true" kind.

Some might say thats dumb, or I'm doing it to be fake or to hold something over someones head.. but I can go to sleep at night with comfort in my bed,because I know I did it / do it simply because my heart doesn't know otherwise, doesn't know what its like... to leave someone asking for help who is still in need and I don't wanna kno what its like.... cuz that just aint me...

♥ Stay Blessed

Evelyn Erives on Regis & Kelly?? What?? YOU Can Help Make It Happen

Hello all please read this sweet, thoughtful, and urgent email I received the other day. It is from a good friend of mine Chris Donovan about his wife (another good friend of mine) Evelyn Erives. Check it out! and submit Evelyn she really deserves this! =) ::


I can’t THANK YOU all enough for all the love and support that you showed during the 10 week rollercoaster, during the Woman of the Year campaign. As you all know by now, Evelyn did win. She is going to be honored on Aug 10th before the Angels game. If you want to go see us there that night, just go to the Angels website and buy tickets. It is a Tuesday night, so tickets shouldn’t be too much! Also, she is going to be on the cover of “OC Giving” the magazine (along with the Man of the Year, Jack Beckman) in August! So keep your eyes out for that!
The main reason for this email is, I want to try and surprise my wife with a once and a life time opportunity. It was brought to my attention that Regis and Kelly are looking for “Women of the Radio” to come on and co-host for a day in the near future. It is all web based, so if you are reading this email, all I ask from you is 3 minutes of your time.
Here is the link to go and submit Evelyn for the opportunity…
http://studio.go.com/cgi-bin/gmail/generic_mail.cgi?template=tvplex%2Flive%2Fcohostsearch-form.tpl
Once you get to this page, I have made it very easy for you to cut and past the info and links that they need for the submission. See below the blue print of their submission page.
==========================================================================

YOUR CONTACT INFO:
You fill this out


NOMINEE INFO:
Evelyn Erives

KGGI – FM (99.1)
951-684-1991
Riverside
CA


TELL US WHY YOU THINK THAT THIS PERSON SHOULD GUEST CO-HOST ON LIVE!?
(You can type whatever you want here!)


OPTIONAL: URL/LINK TO RADIO STATION WEBSITE:
http://www.991kggifm.com/main.html


OPTIONAL: URL/LINK TO BRODCASTERS BIO:
http://www.991kggifm.com/pages/evelynerives.html
OPTIONAL: URL/LINK TO VIDEO OF BROADCASTER:
(Here are a couple to choose from)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvyBjvbRF0M

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=248288309799&v=app_2392950137

OPTIONAL: URL/LINK TO PODCAST OF AUDIO RECORDING:
(Here are a couple to choose from)

http://www.instantriverside.com/2010/04/kggi-fm-radio-riverside-leukemia-lymphoma-society/
http://www.instantriverside.com/2010/05/lindsay-lohan-kggi-riverside-evelyn-erives/
http://www.instantriverside.com/2010/03/kggi-fm-oscars-entertainment-news-riverside/


OPTIONAL: YOU MAY SUBMIT A PHOTO OR AUDIO FILE OF THE PERSON YOU ARE NOMINATING:
(I wouldn’t worry about this. There are pics of her all over the links that I have attached!)
===============================================================
I can’t thank you all enough to help with this! If you need anything, just drop me an email here. Also, remember you can vote once a day, so please if you have the time, do it a number of times until July 16th. Please feel free to pass this along to family and friends!
Can you imagine, Evelyn on Regis & Kelly!!!! That would be SOOOO awesome!
Sincerely,

Chris Donovan

(A very proud husband)

I am truly blessed to have the parents that I have...

I am truly blessed to have the parents I have. Often times I find myself being taken for granted because I’m such a giving person. I don’t say this to be cocky or anything, I love to make people happy and do things for them that others might not do. I’m usually described as being too self-less, sure this sounds like a great trait to carry, unfortunately too many times you get taken advantage of, or as many times as you’ve been there for others, those others don’t have time to be there for you. You would think this would make me bitter and not help others or those people in particular any more… but that just isn’t me, I’m the one that will still call to check in with them, or to remind people that it’s their birthday so they aren’t forgotten even if they forgot my birthday. That’s just me. I know I get it from my mom in particular, she is always loaning money or doing favors for others and family, but when it comes to her or hers needing money or favors, everyone seems to disappear and forget all the times she’s helped them. I love her for her kind and giving heart. It doesn’t matter if she has $5 to her name, if you ask her to donate to a good cause, she will forget about her survival and donate her last $5 to help out.
This weekend was a true demonstration to me about my parents being so giving and self-less. First and foremost, most of you know that my father and I don’t have the greatest relationship; he’s always been in and out of my life by being in and out of prison since I was 4yrs old. When I was little it was always like “we picked up where we left off,” me being daddy’s little girl, now that I’m older and more mature, I tend to have a lot of resentment for the things he put us through… however, due to his life choices it’s really hard for him to find a stable job, (just the way society is now ya know, they want you to continue doing good and not fall off track, but then everyone sees that check mark on the application for “conviction” and they don’t give you the job) – so he has to do side jobs here and there in Santa Ana (not the best place for an ex con) and save money. You think you got it hard, imagine being almost 50yrs old, not having a car, a house, and saving for a month or two to just to have $50 to your name… smh. Well my dad heard about my struggle with school from around the way (I wouldn’t ask him for money, after all I pay his cell phone bill and take him to get the necessities that he needs.) But when I saw him yesterday he called me over, and said “I know it isn’t much but I do want to help with your school, here is $100” and handed it off to me, of course me being me I told him I couldn’t take his money, he said he worked hard for it and its clean money, not dirty money and its all he has, but he wants me to have it… I felt so blessed, here is a man that knows he hasn’t been the greatest father and doesn’t have much to his name, but will drop his last dime on a daughter that doesn’t even keep in touch that often, and he does it because he knows I’m stressed and in need and he wants to help… <3 he doesn’t expect anything in return, just the thought to know he helped his daughter out was enough for him… such a giving man as well, always fixing peoples cars and plumbing and such, but let him need a ride somewhere or let his daughter need money for school, and all the sudden nobody knows him or his kids… smh


My mom later pulled me to the side and told me that she had some items for me to sell on EBay to earn some money, I told her I would split with her whatever I make, and she said to keep it all, it’s for school and she’s trying to help with whatever she can.. I told her I loved her and appreciate all she’s done for me. She then asked me if I remembered the money that she’s been saving for a long time now – so that when she retires she’d have a savings... I told her of course, that was always the money she would never touch, even when she was in the highest of needs… (Kinda like how I was with my skewl money... well until now that is) – She handed me a check and said she wanted me to have that money to pay for my summer skewl … I looked at this woman – like she is crazy! Heck no! – she tried to force me to take it, but the thought was enough for me… she apologized for not being smart enough to get a corporate job and make good money (she has a learning disability and can’t read much and is a slow learner). I told her never to apologize for that. She is a manager at KMART and has been one for over 10yrs, over sees the Toy Dept and every year received corporate awards for having the best kept department in all of California. That’s so much for me to be proud of, plus she is a strong woman that raised two crazy ass daughters on her own & always working 3 jobs with no sleep but still looking beautiful as ever. She told me she was trying to figure out something to help out, I thanked her and left. I couldn’t believe she was just going to give me that money... WOW


Father’s day is tomorrow, and I don’t have much money to get anyone gifts when normally by now I’ve budgeted money to get BOMB gifts… I apologized to my dad and step dad who both said not to worry about it. My mom was taking my Step-Dad Gill to Laughlin for father’s day, when he was leaving he told me “my mission is to go win money for you, whatever I win – its going straight to your school tuition”.. Ha-ha – I told him I would keep my fingers crossed and that I loved them both and to be safe... and they drove away with my step dad yelling out the window “we are gonna win you some money” – haha =) I called them at 6:30pm ish and they said they were a few minutes away from the hotel and were going to check in then have dinner. I wished them luck and hang up… phone rang at 7:20ish and I pick up, Gill is stuttering over the phone and I quickly ask what’s wrong, the sound in his voice made me worry, and he said... “I won you some money”... I said “you haven’t even been there that long”... he said – “mija, with what I won you, you’ll only need a couple hundred more to pay off summer school” I was seriously like “WHAAT???” and when he told me how much he won and that he was going to give it all to me because I’m such a great giving person, with a big heart and deserve sooo much more than I’ve ever received, and because I’m his daughter… I couldn’t help but cry, he cried, my mom was crying... it was a hot ass mess lol. What kind of person wins soo much money and doesn’t keep a dime to their name but gives it all to their child? Seriously?? I know people “say” they would do it, but how many parents do that… Man, I am truly blessed, and no it doesn’t take money to make me thankful, that isn’t what I’m so appreciative for (don’t get me wrong I’m truly thankful for the money) – but this is about the principle of the situation, the action that was taken, the self-less ness that my parents have shown me (all 3 of them)… and I’m so proud and glad that they are my parents, even after all the fussing and fighting, I truly couldn’t have asked for better role models. They are all strong, wise, kind, outgoing, people with big hearts and soo much love for their children. Thank you Lord for all your help and strength throughout this hard time and stress... I was getting worried with only receiving two donations after over 300 people were notified of my donation page… and people deleting my invites to help me win a scholarship... I’ve been selling stuff on EBay, reselling all my books online, whatever valuable stuff I have I’m selling, looking for a part time job in addition to my already full time job and full time school schedule… it was all really beginning to be a lot to handle especially because I still wasn’t coming up with much for the next school year let alone summer school.… and he came through yet again, as he soooo often does. I kept praying and trying to stay positive believing this was all happening for a reason. I believe I was put on this Earth to do something great and I couldn’t give up without achieving my goals. I knew I wasn’t gonna go out without a fight because I knew and know what I want, and that is to further my education, get the degrees and be a great MFT (Marriage Family Therapist) so that one day I can take care of my family that so willingly put their needs to the side to help me in my time of need. =) I won’t let anything stop me from where I’m destined to go, I will prevail on. To my parents & sister I love you all very much, and again I thank you all, and I thank the Lord for his blessing to me, that I call my family.

Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Often times, I find myself hurt and feeling betrayed.  I'm not the type of person to trust others very easily, I've had my share of back-stabbers, two -faced friends, competitive friends, and well.. enamies.  Enough to have a wall up when ever I meet new people, I'm usually pretty good on my judgement of character, but there are few times where I second guess it and take a chance on people.  More times than not, it ends up being a slap in the face and they end up turning out to be exactly who I thought they were.  Larry always tells me I'm too giving and that people take advantage of me.. I might say "i'll never do this or that for them again".. but odds are, when ever they need me again, I will be right there... thats just one of the things about me, I am a loyal friend, and a great friend, I will bend over backwards to be there for you.

I find it funny when people or friends tell me that they are too busy, and don't have time to do this.. or that.. or "I'll get to it when i have a chance"... come on dude, you are talking to someone that goes off of 3 hours of sleep practically every single night, are you really going to preach to me about not having time?  I'm a true hustler, I don't tell everyone I am to get props or compliments of "how do you do it", I just do it cuz its for me.  I don't talk about being a hustler and then the next day talk about taking naps or sleeping in.. those words don't apply to me. I just grind day in and day out, to do for me. and if a friend were to ask me to do something for them, I have absolutely no problem stopping what I'm doing for 2 min or 5 or 10 minutes to help a friend in need. ESPECIALLY a friend that continues to show me support when I need it.  I've always been one to say that you can't rely on anyone but yourself, but through out my years I've found very few people that I actually can rely on, but its literally smaller than a hand full. 

I am just one of those people that will bend over backwards for someone in need, not expecting to get something in return, BUT if there comes a time that I do need something, I always seem to be forgotten, or blown off.. as if I was never a friend to them.. I find it so amazing how people easily become so ungrateful... I think that is one of my best qualities, the fact that I have no problem letting someone know just how much I appreciate them and their efforts, because they really don't have to do anything for anyone else, but the fact that they do willingly, really says something about their character. I just wish there were more people out there like that

well to THOSE that are like that, thank you so very much for being a friend (and you know who you are).  and of course to my baby who, time after time, when the whole world seems to have turn their back on me, he always is there by my side comforting me, and helping me to see the brighter light.. Larry, I love you baby and don't know what I would ever do without you.

News - Such a horrible thing

So even though I'm highly against watching the news because it fills your mind with nothing but fear and negativity... I do watch it in the morning from time to time to see what the weather is like and what good it may bring to the day... (plus it helps with traffic alerts hehe) but today... OMG - just another reminder of what the news brings.. let me demonstrate.. it started like this... "first we will bring you the story of a drive by in San Bernardino where 5 people were rushed to the hospital from serious gun wounds, and a 5 year old who got shot in the head is in critical condition right now, but holding on for his life, then we will take you to Compton where a 6 year old girl's body was found in a closet in her uncles room wrapped up in a blanket and was found after her mother put in a missing persons add, then we will speak with the family of a truck driver whose two sons ages 15 and 4 were standing on the back of his big rig and had fallen off without him noticing causing him to run over them, killing one instantly, and the other died on the way to the hospital.. then we'll check in with 'blah blah blah' to go over this beautiful Monday weather.. isn't it beautiful?" other anchor says "why yes it is.." then they say "its a good way to start the week."

In Need

So I sent out an email blast to friends and family asking for help for my college tuition, this was very hard for me... seriously, asking for help is not easy, let alone asking for money, but in order to continue my education I knew I had to.  Over 300 people have gotten the link to my page and I have received 2 donations... Not that I am not absolutely grateful for those two donations, I just honestly thought with as much support and help I give to others I would have been alerted of more donations. Like all things, it takes time, I am just grateful people are passing the word along and taking time to visit my page, maybe by word of mouth my page will cross the nation hehe.. (hey i can dream) either way, it showed me that when i am in need and it comes to education, I truly am willing to do whatever it takes to further my learning.  Hopefully the donations can make a small indent in the loans I will have to take out for skewl later on.  Thank you Lord for my friends and family, thank you Lord for all your blessings. =) stay blessed

FAQ'S

FAQ'S

Have you applied for any loans?

-Yes I have tried applying for different bank loans (tuition loans) however, I had put 2 of my parents cars under my name because their credit wasn't good (with the whole home prices dropping etc etc)

Have you tried applying for a Credit Union Loan?

-No not yet, but I am looking into it, my auto-loan is under my credit union, so I will see how that would work out, as I stated before I don't have bad credit, I just have a lot of credit - a lot of debt (due to the auto loans.)

Do you have good credit?

-Yes, I just have a lot of credit. Prior to my last auto-loan in February, my credit score was 7.3 - I take pride in my credit score, and am usually great at budgeting money - I have no late payments and always pay them on time.

Do you live at home with your parents?

-No, I currently rent an apartment, I have thought about moving back home to save money, however I still have a little over 6 months on my current lease, so that won't be an option for a while.

You live in the Inland Empire but go to school in Orange?

-No, Chapman University has satellite locatins in Ontario, that is where I go. However my graduation ceremony would be at the campus in Orange.

I can't donate money right now but I do know of some companies that give grants and scholarships, would you be interested?

-Absolutely, I am always looking for new scholarships and such, email me the information (by clicking on my email address listed on the contact page)

*** Didn't see your question here? Don't worry, feel free to click on my email address listed on the "contact" page and send me any of the questions you have and I will respond as soon as possible. Or you can click on any of the links (facebook, myspace, twitter, blogger) and connect with me on a social network.

Ecclesiastes 4:10

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has one to help him up" - Ecclesiastes 4:10
We are created to live in community and engage in caring relationships with one another.
Should any of us falter, or have unexpected needs, a friend can come along to lend a hand. But when a person lives in isolation, too "independent" to need or help anybody else, he or she quickly discovers no one is there when trouble comes.
We need one another. Jesus taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves (see Mathew 19:19) Love for one another is not passive feeling, but a practical response to a need expressed through "compassion in action".


received info from:
Ecclesiastes 4:10 &#8211; If one falls down, his friend can help him up

*SMH* Amazes Me

Now I'm def not a political person - never was too interested in it aside from the fact that it effects me and my life of coarse, but I was watching the news this morning and saw that Meg Whitman put $71 Million of her own money into her campaing for Republican Primary for California Govenor, and she stated that she plans on putting $150 million of her own money into campaigning to be chosen over Edmund "Jerry" Brown for the California Govenor.... wow you just have $221 Mill to just through into campaigning huh?... why don't they put a budget on how much money you can spend on campaigning and then say they have to donate $100 Million to charities.. omg dude do you know how many charities, or people in need could benefit off this money that you are throwing into a campaign to win?? Seriously, Evelyn and her family had practically a 2 month campaign going to raise money, hosting events, and all kinds of stuff to help those with Lukemia and Lymphoma.. she won because she raised a total of $61,000 (and some change - that isn't the exact number) and that amount was the most raised... RAISED... and these people are just THROWING money into their campaign... man you could donate a Million, JUST one million and make such a difference in the studies, research, and testing for so many diseases... its so disgusting, I know people talk about if they had money they would do this and do that, but never pull through, I guarantee you, if I ever came up on good money, I would def contribut some of it to worthy foundations. AAAAhhhh - ok sorry, that was my vent.. thanks for reading .. =)

Never Before

This is a love I have never had before,
Everyone says that, sure,
But I honestly can say when God sent you my way
He knew he had a plan that he had to put in play.
Love was unexpected for both you and I,
Infact at first we both didn’t want it but…. Love we could not deny.
It fell into our hearts and overwhelmed our lives.
We didn’t want to be apart and the “future” is what we had insight.
I didn’t think this kind of love would be bestowed on me,
I thought it was only in those old fashioned love stories.
But we found each other and have made it last,
Even though we have ruff times you always got my back.
That’s more than I can ask for in any relationship,
I’m a complicated chick,
With a lot of issues inside me,
still you’ve accepted me completely.
When you act like an old grouch and try to push me away,
That’s when I try to love you more and let you know I’m here to stay.
I get on your nerves at times,
and you get on mine,
But that’s what loves about
you know I aint lyin..
Ups and downs,
The rounds and rounds,
The cycles that continue and break,
The habits you change and the ones you just take.
It’s all what you make of it,
If you see it continuing or if you can’t handle it.
You’ve become a part of my inner core,
Somewhere no one’s ever been before…
That means more to me than you’ll ever know
That we are one and won’t let go
I can’t count on a lot of things in life,
I just know I love you very much,
And someday …. Maybe… I’ll be your wife.

© Felicia Alcaraz

There are no limits when you trust yourself

Think about the most self-confident people you know. What is it that makes them that way? Self-Confident people don't second-guess their capacity to succeed nor do they wait for others to encourage them. They trust their own abilities to do what needs to be done. Stop waiting for others to tell you what you can do. Start putting your faith in your own strengths & talents. Instead of questioning whether you can reach your goals, move forward with conviction and confidence. You have incredible gifts. If you allow yourself to follow them, you'll achieve great things. Go ahead, follow your abilities, they will lead you upward on a path that has no limits!

The Po-po

HEARD IN THE NEWS TODAY, THAT LAST NIGHT SOME COP PULLED OVER A CAR FOR SUSPICION OF DRUNK DRIVING AND THE PASSENGER OPENED FIRE & SHOT THE COP IN THE STOMACH - THE DRIVER STAYED BUT THE PASSENGER RAN - COPS FROM ALL OVER SHOWED UP 2HUNT 4HIM & FOUND HIM - OF COARSE NOT W/OUT SHOOTING HIM FIRST... WHEN THE COPS WERE ASKED WHY SO MANY CAME FROM SO MANY DIF CITIES, THEY SAID "B/C SHOOTING A COPY IS A BIG THING & WE WANT 2MAKE SURE THE SHOOTER PAYS 4 HIS CRIME" HMMM... SO DOES THAT MEAN THAT WHEN SOMEONE SHOOTS A RANDOM PERSON ITS NOT AS BIG OF A DEAL??? OR BETTER YET... DOESN'T THIS KINDA SOUND LIKE A GANG? "WHEN ONE OF OUR OWN GET SHOT WE HANDLE OUR BUSINESS".. HAHA... OH HOW THIS WORLD AMUSES ME* MAYBE THOSE POLICE (IN SANTA MONICA THAT WERE INTERVIEWED) SHOULD CONCIDER GOING ON A CRAZY "MAN HUNT" WHEN SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A COP GETS SHOT TOO... MAYBE THAT WOULD BE LIKE THEM DOING THEIR JOB! GASP! WHAT? DO THEIR JOB??? NOOOOOOOOO SMDH - May 18th

1 Year Anniversary - Miss you Nana

You could see her smile through her eyes

She had those glossy dark browns…

Yah, you know the type.

The kind that could speak to you with a simple glance,

Whether it was “I love you” or “you’re in trouble”

It was definitely a message you could understand.

She tried to hide her sorrows and fears

She was the strength for us all

She was always there to wipe away our tears

And to catch us when we fall

She had a special connection with people

The indescribable kind

She meant the world to us all

And we will miss her for a life time

She still checks in on us ya know,

Even though it’s her time to relax,

She’s just always been that feisty type…

& she’s always put her needs last

Mary Alcaraz, a wife, a mother, a tia, a cousin, a grandmother (nana), or even a great grandmother.

She had a heart the size of the world and was a beautiful woman indeed.

We love you & miss you nana

In our hearts you’ll always be.

© By: Felicia Mary Alcaraz May 03, 2010

End of the World

SO ON SAT-I MET UP W/MY PSYCHOLOGIST & WE WERE DISCUSSING HIS VACATION BEING CANCELD DUE 2THE WHOLE AIRPORT THING. ANYWHO I STARTD TELLING HIM ABOUT HOW LARRY & I ALWAYS DEBATE B/C I SAY THE WORLD IS ENDING & HE DOESN'T THINK SO - HE SAYS THE BIBLE SAYS WHEN GOD IS COMING HE WILL NOT GIVE WARNING OR SIGNS... I SAY THAT IT SAYS THE END OF THE WORLD WILL COME IN THE ELEMENTS... EARTH (AS IN EARTHQUAKES, WATER (AS IN TSUNAMI) & FIRE (I DUNNO.. AS IN VOLCANO - LAVA) ... PRETTY FUNNY THAT I WAS CONVINCING MY PSYCHOLOGIST THAT THE WORLD IS GOING 2END.. & HE WLD SAY "OMG UR RIGHT THAT DOES MAKE SENSE..." LOL LARRY SAYS "ISN'T A THERAPIST SUPPOSE 2DISCOURAGE ANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.. NOT CO-SIGN ON THEM?" HAHA ITS A GOOD THING I WASN'T SUICIDAL OR ANYTHING LMAO SMH - 4/19/10